I am keeping myself as busy as I can with gardening and the computer. I enjoy quite a few programs on the T.V. especially the excellent coverage of cycle racing during the season. I enjoy my apartment, with Monty which allows me to do what I want when I want. I have good friends, appreciated by quality not quantity.
But something is missing. I wonder if it's the future that is missing. Where is the next challenge to get all fired up about? Where is the next mountain to climb, to look forward to ?
Some here in this community appear to be almost phlegmatic. One of the reservations I had about taking this apartment was that I would be moving into a community of the elderly. I will make it clear I have the greatest respect and affection for the elderly, especially since I am now one of them. Maybe that's the problem.
My mind goes back to a visit with Mum, when she was living in the old people's home. It pulled my heart out to see her sitting in that easy chair, surrounded by others, some of whom frankly appeared to have given in. At the risk of being callous, one wonders if they are just waiting to die. Mum's mind was so alert, she was a very smart lady, but the body was ailing. This environment can hardly be stimulating for her, perhaps even draining.
One year here at the community it was decided we would hold a social evening, instead of the traditional Christmas Lunch. We would each bring some specific goodies. I was to bring mince pies, (which top my hate list).
When I walked in with my package of mince pies I froze. Everyone was sitting grouped around in easy chairs, with the same atmosphere I felt, with a flash back to Mum in the home. A well intentioned lady came over to me saying "Now you make yourself comfortable here Chris" as she positioned an easy chair, "I will bring you a nice cup of tea" I couldn't get out of there fast enough, explaining something had come up, so I couldn't stop right now.
.Growing old without similar age peers also growing old around me, may have resulted in me not being prepared for the onset of old age. Looking back through the years, every decade there was a different group of people around me, all considerably younger. I think one can feed off of the hope and enthusiasm, even the crazy antics of the upcoming generation.
While I prefer living on my own, I can see the benefits of a committed couple going through life together. Like many others, Mum and Dad had a wonderful relationship, dealing with the ups and downs of the unfolding years together. But then of course there comes the inevitable cruel parting.
Enough of the philosophy already.
Monty put us through a scare after one of our walks down by the river. At the time we where walking each day over a field that years ago had been a landfill site. There are few stench pipes installed hidden in the grass, to release the methane gas that could build up.
A short while after I got home, something was wrong with Monty. He was shaking and seemed like he was having a seizure. I called Anne and we rushed him to the vet. His heart rate was dangerously high and the prognosis was uncertain.
After a couple of days he recovered and came home, but then Anne's dog Perry came down with the same symptoms. His recovery was much slower and in fact is still not completely as he was before the incident. Obviously we use a different walk now, but lots of people still use the field for dog walking, despite warnings.
Always a glutton for punishment, I decide to check out Leicester again, with aspirations of social liaison. This time I find a reasonable hotel for the night, that was quite acceptable. Used to be part of the Day's Inn chain, well known for economic consistency.
With low expectations I reran the gay bar circuit, where I began to gather some information regarding other social activity within the city. As previously mentioned I believe every city (Except Peterborough) has a stroll or cruising area, where hapless souls seek out some kind of social interaction. One can expect most of the denizen in this type of situation may appear dubious, but with careful scrutiny occasionally one can be pleasantly surprised.
After a few similar excursions over the next few months, I eventually locate the area and subsequently strike up a conversation with a young man. Nathan was clean cut, Barrack Obama style hair cut (Can,t hold that against him) and interesting. Not exactly the type of person I would normally be drawn to but maybe it's that hair cut.
After clarifying the ground rules, we head back to the hotel late at night for a drink. The ground floor of the hotel is just an entrance way, with reception and services accessible by a small lift (elevator). As we step into the lift, three surly young men squeeze in also. The air immediately became electric, as they made their instant assessment or our relationship. I locked eyes with the man inches from my face and neither of us blinked as we waited for the doors to slide open, releasing the pent up aura.
Having also previously experienced homophobic bias, Nathan became very nervous. He was reluctant to use the Hotel public areas so we settled on the room. Nathan was dealing with a past of heroin and currently on a methadone treatment so needed all the encouragement he could get. Over the next few months he managed to get his own apartment and was anxious to show it to me. While sparingly furnished he kept it immaculate. He offered for me to stay with him, rather than at the hotel when I came into town, but I politely declined.
One day I received a frantic phone call and he was most distressed. He had been thrown out of his apartment, had no money and no where to stay. I offered to lend him my tent, as it was Summer and would give him some temporary shelter and we arranged to meet.
Anne kindly ran me down and after we met up he asked for a ride to the methadone clinic. Having meantime found somewhere to stay over, he declined the tent, but was pleased to receive the provisions.
It likely ended with this cute structure, unless Anne gets enough pennies together for her conservatory.
Peter takes care of the fiddly bits, like the eaves trough (gutters) and electric bits.
Anne does the ladylike bits, like the sheer curtains.
It is now full of shelves stacked with books, collected over the years and rescued from boxes in the attic, by this retired teacher
.Since returning to live in the U.K. i have not heard from Gary. I did write them soon after I moved here, to ask if Rihana could repay the $2,000. she borrowed for the art therapy course, but the lack of a reply would suggest that was a no.
Then I get a call from Gary early in 2010 with bad news. They are facing foreclosure on their home again and could I help in the same way as I did before. Of course I can't help this time, I got cleaned out before I left Canada. I mention I plan to visit Canada for a few days in August, so maybe we can meet up.
It has been over three years since I was in Toronto and I really miss the hustle. I also lost contact with Son so hope to catch up with him. With hotels being so expensive I book for just six days. I find a lot of changes in a few short years
"Sneakers" the gay hustler bar I used to enjoy frequenting has been sold and the new owners have different ideas. The name is changed and no hustlers are allowed in, although it is still listed as a gay bar. During the 90s this venue would be so packed you had trouble getting in. Now the long bar has about three patrons sitting on the stools looking miserable. In the rear games room, the pool tables sit idle and all the pin ball machines are silent. I am not sure what the new owners strategy is, but I hope he is well financed.
Around the corner, the stroll which stretched for two blocks is now developed with condominiums. Some of these changes may have began before I left, as I did not get downtown much in the New Millennium as I was too busy running two businesses and building. Toronto has quite a few gay bars and a couple of clubs. While visiting a couple I did not really expect laudatory accolades.
The city has just one Go Go bar, "Remingtons" which has been running for at least 20 years. It was so "not my scene" years ago and remains so. They feature muscle guys, pumped up to Arnold's proportions. These guys are dedicated athletes and no doubt many people find them attractive, as shown by the Chippendales. It used to be free entry, now they charge $9.00 to get in and $9 a drink. Thanks but no thanks.
I called Gary and we met up at a coffee shop on Eglington. It was great to see him again, but he looked as if he had gone through a lot of stress. Maybe it was the gray hair plus we have all collected a few more wrinkles. Things apparently not going well with Rihana.
On the Sunday we met up again for breakfast and he managed to bring along his boys. We all had a very pleasant meal together and they now are so grown up. I was annoyed with myself for not thinking to take my camera. I will have to ask him if he can send me some photos during our next annual conversation June 29th (His birthday)
After three days I finally found Son, for the next three days we where inseparable.
I have been thinking for sometime about writing a manual for snow plowing. Having seen so many snow plow operators floundering around, wasting time not sure where to go next, I feel I should pass on some of my experience.